| Hey All! |
[Nov. 10th, 2006|10:49 am] |
If you read my journal...
I have a NEW journal...
the explanations are there...
Go there and friend me if you wish to stay in touch...
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) lufe_cruoser |
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| Where once there were friends... |
[Nov. 8th, 2006|12:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
It seems in light of Feral and I's new arrangement of friendship that many other people that I had considered friends no longer consider me one. It's definitely not something I expected, and it in no way makes me feel positive. I've also resolved that I really don't want any of those people in my house, ever again. It boils down to them basically telling me lies to my face. And that is not something I take lightly. I've been a part of several sub-cultures and communities and it seems to always come down to a level where people only talk to people that they want to fuck. I wish it were more complicated than that, but it really really isn't.
I have maybe three really good friends right now, and a few good friends. I can count the total on two hands. I can count how many are actually near enought to hang out with on one finger. It's frustrating, this is the thing that had me diving into MMOs. There's little room for ulterior motives in a community that's immaterial and that is one of the biggest reasons people can find solace in them. Your personality comes before anything else, people know you by who you are.
If I'm going to be isolated I'm going to spend that time on self-improvement. In two weeks I will be getting a new copy of Yourself! Fitness for PS2. It worked well for me in the past, and I'm hoping it will do so again. I have also decided that I will attempt to go ovolactovegetarian again. Hopefully these things will help me feel better physically and mentally and help me lose weight. I found out yesterday that I'm at the highest weight I've ever been fucking ginormous 330 lbs.
I am now unsure of if I will be able to take the trip that I wanted to take in January. My insurance will kick in then and I need to go to a sleep clinic to diagnose my sleeping problems. I need to go to a dentist where they will overhaul my mouth, possibly getting braces as well. If those things don't rape my wallet too badly then I might still be able to take the trip. But if they do, they are honestly more important.
Honestly if you try and talk to me in these recent times you're bound to get either complete goofball reality avoiding insanity or emo depressed ball of death. I don't want to be either of those ways, honestly. I need and crave real tangible friends, people that I can look in the face and talk to about what's going on or can listen to if they need it. That's where the commune idea has always come from, being able to keep all of my friends close by with little or no worries. Anyways, I've ranted enough, I'll let you get back to less emo posts now. |
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| Life is funny sometimes... |
[Nov. 6th, 2006|09:51 am] |
Well, I haven't posted in ages, I know. But life has been busy. I had that Halloween party a week ago, and then right after my father came into town and I was spending time with him. He and I talked about a few different things, nothing too major. All in all it was a nice visit. He didn't seem to be doing too bad, but he is on dialysis three times a week.
The next part of this post, the big part (metaphorically speaking), is that Brandon/Feral and I have decided to just be friends. It's not a break up, because break up implys that something is being taken apart that was there. In fact, nothing about us is changing, it's just that lately we've been more friends than we have been boyfriends or lovers. So, yes, I'm fine. No, don't worry. We're both fine with this change that's not a change. We both need different things in an actual boyfriend/lover relationship that we can't give to eachother.
I do not want to read a single comment that asks if I'm "really" OK. I've told you that I am, I "really" am, so leave it at that. Currently I'm not sure how I feel about dating someone new, the change to Brandon's and my relationship has been on our minds for about a month. We both knew, and we both knew we needed to talk, but we had to get this busy part of our lives over with before we could. But if you're harboring secret interests in dating me you can still share them :-P. Anyways, that's the new from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2006|10:48 am] |
Which Zelda Item Are You?
You are the Heros Sword. You are a pleasant gift to others. Youre noble and reliable to those you trust. You are friendly to those who are friendly to you, but someone who rubs you the wrong way is in for a great deal of pain. You make a good friend, and a great partner.
Take this quiz!
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| From littlenightmare... DO IT!!! |
[Oct. 16th, 2006|12:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
I want to know 28 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. You are obviously on my list, so let me know with whom I am friends! male/female answer accordingly
1.Your Full Name: (you don't have to answer this)
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...
1. Do we know each other outside of livejournal?
2. Whats your philosophy on life?
3. Would you have my back in a fight?
4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
5. What is your favorite memory of us?
6. Would you give me a kidney?
7. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you:
8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
9. Can we get together and make a cake?
10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately?
11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
12. Do you think I'm a good person?
13. Would you drive across country with me?
14. Do you think I'm attractive?
15. If you could change anything about me, would you?
16. What do you wear to sleep?
17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
18. Would you go on a date with me if i asked you?
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
20. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? |
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| Another weekend goes by... |
[Oct. 9th, 2006|12:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ho-hum | ] |
So, this weekend is over. Friday after work I hit Gamestop with Feral. I bought One Piece Grand Adventure and he bought South Park Season 8. Grand Adventure is a very simple game at first glance, but with suprising depth once you learn a little more about the fighting system. It's like a blend of Smash Bros. and Power Stone with a One Piece mask on. It's even got a story mode where you can level your own fighters. Oh, and a Marvel vs. Capcom style support system. Very fun game.
I pretty much spent the rest of the weekend raping Okami. And I'm still not done. It's a huge, very beautiful and vast game. I really thought it would cap out at 30 hours... but I'm almost at 40 and still have a lot more to go. Once I finish Okami I plan to rotate One Piece and Disgaea 2. Other than that the weekend was rather uneventful... oh so yeah, it was entirely uneventful. |
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| Gay Rights |
[Oct. 3rd, 2006|12:34 pm] |
I never, ever repost things, usually because none of them are worth reposting. But I'm reposting this, because it is, to me.
"'Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?' - Ernest Gaines
We would like to know who really believes in gay rights on LiveJournal.There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you truly believe in gay rights, then repost this and title the post as "Gay Rights". If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ignore this. Thanks" |
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| A nice dream... |
[Oct. 3rd, 2006|12:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | peaceful | ] |
I had a dream today about having the house that I wanted. It's not so much about the house itself as it is about the concept of being able to just let my friends live with me. It was large, had at least 6 rooms and some of my best friends were living there. I was hanging out with a group of them in one room, it was three other guys.
They were a strange string of people from my past and present. Mark from ALSO in Sarasota, FL (that was four or five years ago). Anthony from Sacred Grounds (That was about 7 years ago). And Twinblade from here in IN. We were all just hanging out and being silly, while Feral was hanging out with some other people in another room. It was just a relaxed hang out with a lot of talking and some snuggles. I think some people may have been naked, but there was no sex going on, it was just a personal comfort thing.
Having that dream just makes me certain that this is something I want in life. I don't think the group of people was particularly relevant, just some people that I remember always being comfortable around. I need to work to make this thing real. I know that it's going to be hard, but I have to try. It embodies all the ideals I've ever held about how life should be. If I can make it happen it may just cross a couple goals off of my list. |
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| Knowing and doing, two seperate things... |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|12:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
I want to know how a person can be motivated? I don't really know anyone that is motivated, except maybe Stacie, she seems to be able to reach out and grab hold of life, and for that I admire her. But, how does one do that? How do you get there? If you've made it past the part of figuring out who you are, and what you want... how does one muster up what it takes to go the next step?
I am nothing but a million and one ideas. Everything I've done and enjoy doing is based on creative thinking. Streamlining the work process of my department at one of my old jobs, party and event planning for Face 2 Face, even ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) mynothe here on LJ. But those have all been for other people. Why can't I do this for myself? What am I missing?
This past week I was supposed to write the rule book for a game a friend and I created. I've barely even started. I keep telling myself I'm going to set aside time every night to write, instead I play video games or watch movies or TV. Less and less every day the glitter and sparkle of life appeals to me. The only thing different is that lately I've been cooking real meals for myself and the wuff. No boxed dinners, just honest from scratch food.
I know what I want out of life, hell I can list things:
1. Lose the fucking weight. I want to be pretty, maybe being fat all my life has given me the personality that I have that others seem to like about me. Well, that doesn't mean I have to stay this way. I want to be a pretty person. Hell, if I feel like it I want to buy a woman's shirt. Can I do that with my enormous belly and 42 waist? Fuck no I can't. I want to look good in a dress, try that on for size.
2. I want to entertain people. I want people to come to me and tell me that something I did was the most fun or amazing experience they've had in a while or even ever. Wether that be singing, writing, game development, art, I really don't care. I want people to be changed by the work I do. I want someone to carry the experience with them for the rest of their life. Maybe that's egotistical, but it's what I want.
3. I want to be rich. Yeah, who doesn't? Seriously, I want to never have to worry about money. To be able to do anything for friends, because I can. Material possessions really have lost a lot of meaning for me. So why be rich? Because I have and always will hate the concept of limitations. In the end I would very likely barely spend any of it on myself.
4. I want the memory of me to last a damn long time if not forever. I want to put a mark in the world. I want to do something that makes everyone remember Clayton Zachary Jones was here and I'm glad he was. There are thousands of people in this world long past who are still recognized by today's society. I want to join their ranks.
The world is a fucked up place. That's for sure. And maybe now you think I'm a fucked up person. But I really don't give a damn, this is what I want. The only problem is in figuring out how in the fuck to get it. Where to pull together the motivation.
Fuck. |
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| Damnit, I need to write! |
[Sep. 28th, 2006|11:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
If you guys could post random sentences I am going to try and bang out some short stories this week. It could be a line of dialogue, a strange happening. Something, anything. My muse needs a poke, and I'm hoping I'll find something in one of you guys' posts that will give me the kick I need.
Thanks in advance. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2006|01:15 pm] |
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This is a post to my friends to remind them that mynothe is still active. Also, how does someone use personalized little userpics when referencing another user or community? |
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| The weekend passes... |
[Sep. 18th, 2006|10:16 am] |
The weekend went by pretty fast. Friday was gone before I even knew it. We went to the store and bought some food for the week and beyond. It's nice to actually have honey, onions, garlic, and olive oil for cooking. I'm either going to make some fish with honey carrots and wild rice or chicken parmesan with linguine. I stayed up late playing on the WoW... I've started a human warlock I am rather enjoying on the Perenold Server, her name's Cantressa if you wanna give her a shout.
Saturday was a mixed bag. Woke up at 2PM, shuffled around a bit, did some minor straightening and hopped on Disgaea 2 doing some Item World and re-leveling my core ten after their 2nd reincarnations. At around 7PM Fair showed up and we played some video games (The Warriors and DOA2: Hardcore) and then eventually watched Ghost In The Shell 2. Afterward, Feral had to go to work and Fair and I watched Final Fantasy: Spirits Within. And when Feral came home we all played some Freedom Fighters and Guilty Gear X2. Fair stayed the night and I woke up when he did at 9AM (We went to sleep at 4:30-5:00AM). He and I played some Bloody Roar 3 (Made over as Primal Fury for the GameCube) until he had to go.
After that I hopped on Disgaea 2 again... I did the 9999 Neko thing, just to see what's up. I refuse to use my Neko in the Storyline, but it makes Item World MUCH less tedious and I've yet to have a problem passing bills in the Dark Assembly (If you know what I mean... *wink wink, nudge nudge*). I've acquired Flonne and Laharl. I'm going to wrap up the main basic storyline soon and then it's on to uber leveling my items in Item World and summoning the alternate gate keeper.
Fairly average weekend, but a new week begins and even more craziness as well. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2006|11:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
I'm pretty sure I said something about absolutely LOVING Disgaea 2... *looks around* |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2006|12:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
Created my own mood theme tonight... someone from the disgaea community was nice enough to link me to some sprite sheets for Disgaea 2. I will expand on what I've done... but I've etched out a basic mood theme set of the main character Adel. What do you think? |
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